I told someone recently that I have this theory: There are two kinds of people in the world...people who do yoga, and people who don't do yoga. I'm not entirely sure what separates the yoga-ers from the non-yoga-ers, but I'm sure there is a common denominator.
I fall firmly into the non-yoga camp. I finish an hour and a half of yoga, and then have to go have a "real" workout. Exercise that can be done in your pajamas to soft, soothing elevator music, with a full face of make-up on, without even breaking a sweat, is not exercise. Oh, and I don't "Om". I'm sorry, I just can't. Every time we get to the "Om" part, I start laughing. I mean, really. What is that about?
I'm less yoga and more kickboxing, and it is not pretty. If I don't leave class red-faced, sweating through my clothes and feeling embarrassed about standing too close to people on the subway, then I have wasted my time. I'm sure this says something about my restless, Type A, high D, control-freakish personality living in a multi-tasking, caffeinated world of constant stimulation. Whatever. All I know is that my blissed-out hour of roundhouse kicks and uppercuts on Saturday morning flies by...but 15 minutes into yoga and my eyes start glazing over. I could burn as many calories at home...for free...sleeping.
Now, I shouldn't disparage yoga. I have many friends who are firm believers in it, touting its benefits to body, mind and spirit. And I know that to have a well-rounded physical routine, it should include some form of stretching. I try to fit in the occasional yoga class. Tomorrow, for instance, I'm going to a 10am yoga class at my gym. Why, you ask? Well, they don't have a kickboxing class on Fridays. And I did wash and dry my hair today...if I go do yoga I won't have to worry about sweating. I guess I'll just work twice as hard at kickboxing on Saturday.
Alright, everyone, say it with me.
Ommmmmmm...
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Monday, March 26, 2007
Aimless
Ever have one of those days that if there were an entire roll of Nestle's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough in the fridge, you would definitely eat the entire thing? Or, while you don't want to open a bottle -- cause that would definitely make you an alcoholic -- if there were an open bottle of wine in the fridge, you'd probably use the whole thing to wash down the cookie dough?
It's one of those days in my world.
I don't even think I can articulate what's going on with me. I'm standing in the center of a whole world of grey (with cookie dough in one hand and a wine glass in the other), and I've got no idea which way to go. On Sunday, our pastor talked about our all-knowing God who knows the path before us, even though we can't see it. He said that uncertainty is normal, it's a natural feeling, but that we should give God our uncertainty.
My problem is, I'm having a really hard time "giving God my uncertainty" when I am the one who has created the uncertainty. I'm the one who has abandoned the path. I don't deserve the help, since I'm the disobedient, willful child who veered off-course...so I'm not asking for it. I'm the one who has been presented with opportunities, and has chosen fear over faith. I'm the one who sat in the boat -- safely seat-belted and life-jacketed -- while Christ beckoned on the waves. Now that he's back in the boat, giving me what I imagine to be a rather disappointed look, I want to jump over the side and do it one my own...I certainly don't deserve his help since I turned down the offer the first time. The first 500 times.
So I stand here in my self-created greyness with no direction, no certainty, no point...and clearly no intention of asking for help. I throw my hands up and stomp around in a circle. I tell God what an idiot I am. He knows. I apologize over and over for being so faithless in the face of his continued faithfulness. He shakes his head a little sadly. I look back at choices I've made and wonder if I've learned anything in this life. I look around and realize I am stranded...aimless. And I know He's standing just over my shoulder waiting for me to turn around and ask. Just ask. But, you see, I've blown it. I missed my chance. I refused to trust. I have missed the blessing He wanted to give me. The situation where He wanted to use me. I'm the unfaithful servant with one talent who buried it in the ground. I'm the servant who's talent has been taken away, and who is now standing in front of big closed door with empty pockets and a heart full of woulda, shoulda, coulda.
Yeah...it sucks.
So, I'd like to say that after all of this deep soul searching, and mind-numbing mental self-mortification, I came to some epiphany, some light at the end of the tunnel. Not really. But I feel like the saying it out loud, so to speak, is part of the process. It has been gnawing on me for weeks, and today I knew I had to do something...let some part of it become words. Hey, why not online. Confession heals the soul, right? I still don't know what I'm doing. I still have no idea what point my life serves. I still feel sick about the "No's" I've said to God. He has every right to wash His hands of me, and move on to more promising candidates.
I just have to take a deep breath, and cling to the prodigal son. I have no problem admitting that I am the son, opportunities squandered, knee-deep in the muck, knowing I don't deserve to be considered hired help, much less beloved daughter. I just haven't quite made it over the edge of the hill to see the Father racing towards me, arms outstretched, fattened calf at the ready.
I'm not quite there yet...but almost.
In the meantime, pass the cookie dough.
It's one of those days in my world.
I don't even think I can articulate what's going on with me. I'm standing in the center of a whole world of grey (with cookie dough in one hand and a wine glass in the other), and I've got no idea which way to go. On Sunday, our pastor talked about our all-knowing God who knows the path before us, even though we can't see it. He said that uncertainty is normal, it's a natural feeling, but that we should give God our uncertainty.
My problem is, I'm having a really hard time "giving God my uncertainty" when I am the one who has created the uncertainty. I'm the one who has abandoned the path. I don't deserve the help, since I'm the disobedient, willful child who veered off-course...so I'm not asking for it. I'm the one who has been presented with opportunities, and has chosen fear over faith. I'm the one who sat in the boat -- safely seat-belted and life-jacketed -- while Christ beckoned on the waves. Now that he's back in the boat, giving me what I imagine to be a rather disappointed look, I want to jump over the side and do it one my own...I certainly don't deserve his help since I turned down the offer the first time. The first 500 times.
So I stand here in my self-created greyness with no direction, no certainty, no point...and clearly no intention of asking for help. I throw my hands up and stomp around in a circle. I tell God what an idiot I am. He knows. I apologize over and over for being so faithless in the face of his continued faithfulness. He shakes his head a little sadly. I look back at choices I've made and wonder if I've learned anything in this life. I look around and realize I am stranded...aimless. And I know He's standing just over my shoulder waiting for me to turn around and ask. Just ask. But, you see, I've blown it. I missed my chance. I refused to trust. I have missed the blessing He wanted to give me. The situation where He wanted to use me. I'm the unfaithful servant with one talent who buried it in the ground. I'm the servant who's talent has been taken away, and who is now standing in front of big closed door with empty pockets and a heart full of woulda, shoulda, coulda.
Yeah...it sucks.
So, I'd like to say that after all of this deep soul searching, and mind-numbing mental self-mortification, I came to some epiphany, some light at the end of the tunnel. Not really. But I feel like the saying it out loud, so to speak, is part of the process. It has been gnawing on me for weeks, and today I knew I had to do something...let some part of it become words. Hey, why not online. Confession heals the soul, right? I still don't know what I'm doing. I still have no idea what point my life serves. I still feel sick about the "No's" I've said to God. He has every right to wash His hands of me, and move on to more promising candidates.
I just have to take a deep breath, and cling to the prodigal son. I have no problem admitting that I am the son, opportunities squandered, knee-deep in the muck, knowing I don't deserve to be considered hired help, much less beloved daughter. I just haven't quite made it over the edge of the hill to see the Father racing towards me, arms outstretched, fattened calf at the ready.
I'm not quite there yet...but almost.
In the meantime, pass the cookie dough.
Friday, March 23, 2007
A Taste of Spring
After a crazy snow storm last Friday (which we missed), this Friday it's already 61 degrees at 11 a.m. Yesterday was the first day we had warm weather - in the 60's - and walking by Riverside Park it looked like the entire city took the afternoon off. There were executives in business suits sitting on park benches with their laptops, or pacing the sidewalk talking on the phone and smoking cigars. There was a boy sitting on an enormous rock outcropping practicing his violin. Every stay-at-home mom and nanny in the city was out, thankful to be able to let their kids run around outside. The sidewalks looked like stroller parking lots. We slept with our windows wide open last night...it was nice to feel like spring was finally coming.
Our trip to California was fantastic! I won't bore you with details, but we had an amazing drive up the coast...gorgeous weather! We spent time with college friends in LA and family friends in Santa Rosa. We had a couple of spectacular wine tastings in Napa, a wonderful night in San Francisco, and 2 full days in Riverside with Kev's family. We even had a bonus day as our flight home Monday morning was cancelled because of weather and we had to stay one more night. It gave us a chance to walk the 3rd street Promenade in Santa Monica, drive up to Malibu, climb the cliffs at Point Dume, and eat fish tacos for dinner at the Barefoot Bar at Duke's. Perfect ending to the trip!
We are home, and so looking forward to weekend to recoup after all the travel. That 3 hour time difference is brutal...I need a weekend to recover from my vacation! (I know, I know...pathetic.) We are looking forward to lounging on the couch and watching our March Madness brackets either boom or bust.
I hope you are tasting spring where you are, as well!
Our trip to California was fantastic! I won't bore you with details, but we had an amazing drive up the coast...gorgeous weather! We spent time with college friends in LA and family friends in Santa Rosa. We had a couple of spectacular wine tastings in Napa, a wonderful night in San Francisco, and 2 full days in Riverside with Kev's family. We even had a bonus day as our flight home Monday morning was cancelled because of weather and we had to stay one more night. It gave us a chance to walk the 3rd street Promenade in Santa Monica, drive up to Malibu, climb the cliffs at Point Dume, and eat fish tacos for dinner at the Barefoot Bar at Duke's. Perfect ending to the trip!
We are home, and so looking forward to weekend to recoup after all the travel. That 3 hour time difference is brutal...I need a weekend to recover from my vacation! (I know, I know...pathetic.) We are looking forward to lounging on the couch and watching our March Madness brackets either boom or bust.
I hope you are tasting spring where you are, as well!
Friday, March 09, 2007
Goin' West to California...Part 2
It's been a bit of a whirlwind since I got back from California, and as I'm writing this, I'm preparing to head back to the West Coast again!
As a quick recap, the first trip to California with Carrie and her kiddos was fantastic! We had a smooth trip to the airport, across the country, and all the way to Riverside...which, with 3 small children and 6 large bags is no small miracle. My 4 days out there were such fun. I rented a car on Thursday morning and drove from Riverside through LA to Agoura to visit Amber for one night. We had a low key 24 hours together -- lunch at Corner Bakery, a rainy afternoon on the couch watching Oprah and Dr. Phil, a swing through the Oaks mall in Thousand Oaks, and the dinner with Tami, another dear college friend and bridesmaid, at the Cheesecake Factory.
As a quick recap, the first trip to California with Carrie and her kiddos was fantastic! We had a smooth trip to the airport, across the country, and all the way to Riverside...which, with 3 small children and 6 large bags is no small miracle. My 4 days out there were such fun. I rented a car on Thursday morning and drove from Riverside through LA to Agoura to visit Amber for one night. We had a low key 24 hours together -- lunch at Corner Bakery, a rainy afternoon on the couch watching Oprah and Dr. Phil, a swing through the Oaks mall in Thousand Oaks, and the dinner with Tami, another dear college friend and bridesmaid, at the Cheesecake Factory.
On Friday, I drove back to Riverside, turned in the car, and spent the rest of the weekend with Kevin's 3 cousins -- Becky, Kristen, and Carrie -- and their collective 7 children! We had a great time. I flew back home on Monday night late, arriving Tuesday morning, spent 3 days here, and then flew to Dallas for a weekend with Kevin's family. His older sister Jamie and her fiance' Randy are headed to South America indefinitely, so flew down to bid them farewell!
We are back in New York now, but are leaving again on Monday for California. We're flying into LA, renting a car, and headed up the coast. We're staying one night with Amber and Jeremy in Agoura before heading north. Our first night on the road will be in a yurt in Big Sur. Then we're driving up to stay in Santa Rosa with family friends and a few days of exploring Napa. Then it's back down to Riverside for a visit with Kevin's grandmother before we fly back home.
So looking forward to that blissful SoCal sun!
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